Ground Round Balloons

have no friends
they always lie
have no pets
they always die
sing no songs you
lose the tune
it flies away like
Ground Round Balloons

have no clothes which are not black
have no love
for it bites back
have no dreams
to not come true
safe and cold
hard, hard as stone
so as not to care
if they come home
not enough of me to share with grief i Will Not Me Go There

nothing to look forward to
no plans for someone to back out
no wishes for my birthday because
no one makes a cake

besides, they’re only acting
no one Really cares
they’re going through the motions
so my angst they will not bear :they too fear to trust Me
I understand the wish
bleak of fear to feel
the hard hard fist in which i clench
which used to be
my heart before t’was irreparably rent

never taken by surprise
maintain perimeter : know
when I DID  yearn and watch
the whole day came and went
and so on, so the next
expectant becomes
dejected
fuck you all that’s worse than beating
a child  at a window
waiting

disappointment breeds
a bitterness
which mellows then to stone
Of Wonder, Hopeful I Was Once
and left on the clothesline
after dark alone
a spoon dropped behind the bed
waiting for a hand which never comes to pick it up and put in back in light again

the old dog who goes to the door each day
waiting for the girl
who went away
and she never comes my heart does clench thought even now and know
this his life in sum

tiny girl
someones party
to the side, She stands
crying, crying, facing towards the woods
because the party is so good
and soon it has to end
this is where
this dark of me
——Not Wanting
did begin

for every hope held in the heart
is batted from the hand
all joys are but fleeting
the sorrow is too great
shoulders can’t amend
when they are in a body
with intellect & madness
the maniac at four years old
she writes this – Understand

if you never hold it close
it cannot break your heart
or change or leave
weight of grief
instead, dead
in your heart