we are the blood

there is no absolution
only vice and disillusion
perhaps some self delusion
we all want to think we’re nice
a wrong way street this path leads not
to paradise
we are the sacrifice, we are the blood
every doing, every deed
swings around and comes back roaring
at our heels, around  us
kindness or defeat
we send it out ourselves, we do
there is no Being to Disapprove Just What we’re dealt and what we deal :
your deeds shall trail behind thee as a
billowing of sea
think before you act then and be sure
that which you speak
there is no absolution
we’ll be assessed the truth’s  reprieve

be it quick or slow, we make those roses on our knees

we feel it just

having been the greedy

meet our conscience in the dust


scorn commence

life is getting
bitter : not the joy which others
insist I consider
my taste is befouled
i wish to be something meaningful
someone respected
and some days
i think of death
as a reprieve
something I could give myself
some relief

for the man, he does not care.
he will not comfort me, cringes
and what is it of me that is so
cringeworthy ?
no weeping wounds
no stench
his teeth will clench & he
does scorn commence

i think of the bullet
through my jaw & brain
the lights shut off
without complaint

the mess, I’m sorry, it will
be cleanable
without me life will be
more amenable

why so much effort to make it through the day?
no one calls, or cares
or says
a word
they believe I have
all words heard and stored away
i long for love
but cannot find
a gentle hand
or brush of lips: I am in pain
nigh done with this, yeah. high time done with this

create our own reprieve

there is no absolution
only vice and disillusion
perhaps some self delusion
we all want to think we’re nice
a wrong way street this path leads not
to paradise
we are the sacrifice, we are the blood
every doing, every deed
swings around and comes back roaring
at our heels, around our feet
 a swarming
kindness or defeat
we send it out ourselves, we do
there is no Being to Disapprove
your deeds shall trail behind thee as a
billowing of sea
think before you act then and be sure
that which you speak
there is no absolution
we must create our own reprieve

whispers rich in sanity

were i to speak of wind and woe; places where I dare not go .
my lamentations would n’er end,
a sordid dark unfurling
and Lo, i do not find it such
the darkness holds Soul -sight unseen
whispers rich in sanity to calm my
angst’s proclivities – thus
I am blessed to dwell within
the shadow space
the thick and thin

the thick and thin

were i to  speak of wind and woe-
places where I dare not go .. an oratory without End;
a sordid dark unfurling -truth is I do not find it such
the darkness holds but for me touch
I am blessed to dwell within
the shadow space
the thick and thin

future wings

and here i find myself in mourning
no longer lean of limb
bearing mighty
wisdom wicked from ten thousand
consequences :
the journey of becoming
that which I never meant
see the circle, feel the turning
fallow fields now filled
bearing mighty
crops which feed us : come now
consequential, lead us
the journey of becoming
what my future self does sense
a need for heady risk & reverence
bearing more of
i swear I’m being toyed with :
then I swear
that all is sent from a vantage point
far from me
wide  otherworldly wondrousness begat 
the journey true of letting go
of matter, ”must” and things
someday perhaps within the past
I’ll earn my
future wings

wondering after a childe

burrowed deep inside my
offspring, Kinder,
what they must have suffered
when I was
most sick,
most crazed. horrifying for them :
twill haunt me till the
end of days :  misery, incompleteness colors
the edges of fault,  lustrous
the breath of Us on the shine,
 the finest sheen
my heart breaks everytime i contemplate
the vacuous space
left in my wake
everything which Was, I’m afraid was a mistake
forgive me, forgive me
i am small . roses on my knees, groveling
tis inherent my frailty,
my human
fucked upness : please let us
at enough
of what drives me,
dna inside me which is
hybridized in you, made of
me & your father –
i would see you live forever,
into eternity
what in these words is fit
tis all of it, writ
with heart of the odd
scattered random
thing of me
 sit, Here :  i would, to make peace
: unsure as to reprieve, but I would myself
i would repent ……though
would Testify
my heart
i broke  myself, my weakness
& lost potential
misery loves me,
even now
you do not call
you do not think of me at all
not one bit
sorry old womb
wondering after a childe

changing or  choosing 

must trust those
chemistry I know
misery met with ethyl alcohol
translated : open with the
sorrow, then sedated
more supportive than your dismissal
why do you not gather me
into your arms
& hold me as you once did?
alcohol does hold me now &
some comfort it does give
scarred. and angry, me
brilliant mind;   wild psyche
you had every chance to
extricate : you chose to stay & acclimate
words of love did circulate
nigh on three decades and more
we race around this
track, some shore
again,…. again
me being me & you
of all that has no chance,
changing or  choosing
 my brilliance is not
reflected in you
it is more than you can take : more than you
can do

stirring of wings

Night comes, Encompassing
quite gently
“what will be  – will be”
& into darkness sweet  Drifts Me
grateful for sanctum of sleep
every day is a journey
which simulates death –
yet we Fear it – the unknown
which cannot help but ask and again
How Many
Awakenings Left
 as we Inch ever closer and
closer to Death ?
insidious question which
which distracts from Life’s Best

Here… come

pour me some wine, you.
for yourself as well,
deem yourself worthy
sit by my fire
scent of the magic, here some
risk ,   no malice
restitution. tears. vows
night dwellers shift feel the
life which
throbs ’round about us,
your hands
my clear witness
of the divine
flowing through you . you,
drawn by mystic  fragrant vibration;
subsonic, calling
 unseen – but known
chill, sensation, come,
 come closer
compelled to my being, let us
define some Zone
for you are Coming,, Even Now
we shall both be
perhaps we can share a
 taste of  fear
disequilibrium :
sudden pain
— and know we are all always dying, time after time—
to awaken in
those arms,?  thine?
Much as the
Resurrection .
Perfection . sublime. our heaven I am
quite sure, these small things
opening eyes and the
stirring of wings


coming yet this Summer to 4F2T :  @winkingowlwines : winking owl wineries

we shall enjoy a bottle together & do some wine analysis or whatever the fancy types call that  .  ALDI Wine is better than NO Wine at all


secondly, there will be the introduction of a thesis, to be published in January 2020 : editing and research will be done here;  you can follow along on the journey of researching & publishing a Pathology graduate thesis, if such interests you.

the final excitement for back to school will be the publishing of The Knives, winner of the Private College Fiction short story of the year award 1981

hope you will share with your friends. or simply share in your own head, with yourself.

Madness & Descent into Entitled Grief



who feels reprisals of loosened denial

I’ve hidden too long in the darkness so soothing

Nothing is asked of me There

somehow the shadows despair

I am Sick, so they know

“Can’t you See?”


Deep within, though I’m filled

They’ve No Clue

To the sick that this

Sickness can Do

I am done being left yet

I fear the first steps

Away from my Precious Reprieve

Into Light, into Depth

Carry Weight of regret?  Energies  better met

carrying  weight of good life

Makes no sense to Carry the Woman I was

Like a shroud, said out loud

“Used to Be”

God, how that deep sickens me :

When I realize I’ve carried the corpse for too long,

Somehow never was Wrong, for others agreed–

Life Did some dirty damn shit unto me –

Without a doubt,  tragic & sad.  Ruined what I

“Could have” been, should have… Had

& took away the body of Me

In pieces & wailed eulogies

The down dead & dirty, how did I come to it?

How did I come through it?

Why…… I am still there !


My image in mirrors I do not seek

Truly words do draw me well

The clothes that I wear need only be clean

As long as they aren’t neon yellow or green

The food that I eat, I had ceased to taste –

days seemed incredibly long, stretch of Waste

Dead Eyes & Numb Hand & ‘who cares?’

yet brought me Right Here from  Back There –

Spans of time greater than I can believe

Truly, t’was need & those Unseeing eyes —

What brought me here must have been needed

Were all my thoughts so conceited ?

I keep thinking Something does now Punish Me

But who can be found guilty for Joy overreached?

Was I as benevolent as I now Preach?

Had I truly the world’s best intent ?

Perhaps too ‘In my own Element’ –

not Guilty so much as just Carried Away

And I loved all I did which is Past & Assayed –

Into oblivion gladly sank I

Waking to piss & then anger in Sobbing ;

fist shaken to Omniscient Ideals with no face

to give up on that all famous

“Ah- Mazing Grace ”


When we suffer, Life Gives

Various options & choices, we can

Quick, suicide or the Long Version

Madness & descent into Entitled Grief

Mourning’s a Much Needed Thing

But there is no ‘get up & go dry your eyes’

When the truth of a lost life presides –

Perhaps this is my Greatest Revenge

Fear has No friends here, I’m sure to begin

To feel what I felt

When I asked to get out

To step far beyond what was pain

See if I can BE  Again…


As if all this was planned & karma, where were you, friend ?

(I’ve been, from beginning to end

*your life is Your Own *

not a grand master plan

Just a simple but glorious Creature called Man

We are witty, well spoken & clever

We would that we could be Forever.

I believe there is More than just breeding for me

I am Hopefully Thinking

Education is grand & also wine drinking

I’ve awakened into a time without shape

I am still myself yet I have no reference place

I am just able to touch bottom here

The top of the Water Unclear

To bob with one toe & seek my buoyancy

Is the farthest I’ve come since the last Day of  Me


That I wake : this is All, this Outpost Eternal

To find out how deeply I Can

This is the voyage in uncharted land. The Me who is

Yet Undefined

Must begin

first deep inside where I always can Hide

Come, bring a light

I will Try

For I wish to Feel Again

Anything Sweet

Raindrops & thunder, the edge of my Seat

Moving  Somnambulist

I think I have now Got the Gist

The rhythm, prevailing Winds

They will catch me quick like a kite, I’ll ascend

Much will be revealed on High

I will myself become the Sky

We are Alive !  This Gift knows no boundaries, no shame

Look at Me, here, I’m living again

The Vile One

no back from here
let there be no flight in fear
Be the Vile One
and reign supreme
much more dangerous
than you seem
— thus protected
blessed, sinking
into the night – where all combines
all my soul away in flight
leaving the barbarians
with feet upon the ground
I know, I know I’m one of them
but I am Elsewhere Bound.
i know
my soul is going down
to rest
abysmal it would seem, but no

i love the darkest themes
no one chasing after me
here, they do not venture in madness
for they carry too much fear
Not Me oh no
i died and rotted once it seems
now I’m
not afraid of

birdsong and life force

As the wooded spaces of Old
Where Druids trod
and sought to know themselves of
We have been born into
A world transformed : concrete
& steel reach toward
the Same skies
all has been foretold- –
the god is Not of Earth nor Soul
but consumption & commerce – ever more bold
they are Less Wise, who seek
To be Sated
Mysteries now unknown,
in these times of Having it All .
There is No waiting,
yearning, anticipation
Only the masses
seeking self stimulation
And Lo, this too shall pass away
The Last Days of
Amassing wealth & debt
What are your Things now
Saying ?
Can they bring you
Peace near Death ?
Or would you see,
as men of Old Did Know
The trees their Vast quiet
certainty do Hold
Continuity which
No thing to you can bring?
In concrete jungles
Birdsong is No more 
There is No Life force in
The Things we Seek & Own
So cold.   There is No comfort
There is No Soul.

within all consequence

Come to Me –
In dreamspeak
All that has Disproven
Doubt ;
All the Times
I have Willed Out
All the loss of Consciousness
&  later waking
Such is
Life !
For the Taking

Love deliciously .
But do not let yourself
We are within all Consequence
Between our Cradle &
Our Grave

we be quite reckless ; Oh yes.
We Misbehave

you , you are found

where you begin –
where you left off
the day spins to night
dreams take flight, borne aloft
we can see & envision forever

: let the Night Come
run meet it,
shadowed & clever, embracing
all that we are & are not : whispering
“you are, you are found, you’re not lost”
and in truth this does echo forever
in time : I am the Night and
the Night true is mine

ask the stones

ask the stones, yes, ask the sky :
the trees themselves, they know : there is no
greater pain nor gift
than living here with All of This

Brief the Ecstasy & Fear
sorrow, suffer, rise again : there is
no greater vanity
than thinking life revolves ’round me

swim through oceans of matter, breathe,
the very breath of trees
no climbing ladders, making claims
for everything is all the same
turning earth, light & dark
carry then your
sacred spark

Loss of Consciousness

Oh, to Me
In dreamspeak
All that has Disproven
All the Times
I have Willed Out

All the Loss of Consciousness
And Later Waking
Such is
Life !
For the Taking

Love deliciously .
But do not let yourself
We are within all Consequence
Between our Cradle & Our Grave …Oh yes.
we find to feel.. we quite often Misbehave

numbed by convenience

and if there is to be fear, know
you have only to fear
yourself… . .
that which would ignore intuition
and allow instincts to be numbed
by too much ”security” and not enough
risk :
dependence upon convenience
the You who would not know
what to do when disaster strikes,
when lost, when taken away from
electricity and google

this is what is meant
when we say
there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
for the wise
prepare, the wise are Aware
they do not stray to places
where they cannot confidently move and
all the while, knowing
there is a broad, wide world out there
gives not one shit
what we want

tending to our own needs
through the deeds of our own hands
this is what builds a creature
we create
the promised land

Leave Nothing Unadmitted

john leech art/ebenezer – silent guide


Abstract Concepts
I am The Wave of the
Who needs no guilt to Goad
& has yet to
Pin Down
Her Soul

Find something dark
Divulge All, Leave Nothing Unadmitted
Catharsis tinged with
Some period of Spiritual Angst
& Intoxication.

We fluctuate chemically
We possess our
Personal Heaven &
The Blue Prints of .the Abyss
We create the scene & the individualized subtleties

Being aware of this
I have binged on it all.
I once felt abject submission
Would Bring Me Peace

I am Now the One in Black
Do not grovel
O’re your

They Should Bow to You
For the Things
That you COULD DO
A reminder of the Strength
In Dark
Give up parades
& Pink &
Know Your Venacular
Is Vast
Your Tolerance
Beyond the Veil


with truth and vibration

Let Me Be
someplace beautiful : let my feet
upon Earth tread : let me not take to my bed
when overwhelmed :
let me offer sweet
myself complete to Earth & Sea & Sky :
the Sun once touched Now Moon Above
let me be calm & wise
life sanctify, Grim-Jubilant
act on no impulse nor whim,
instinct follow
we shall rise again with the sun
on the morrow
until then be well
dispel vagrant myth
we build our own haven
with truth and vibration
we are filled with sensation and will
choices we make linger ever and long
we repeat lyric song and
be your light, be your dark
touch now the land and
the creatures
around ye
enrich them with truth,
Present Here, Present Now –
thru thick n thin and yes
Out on a Limb, seems
for those
whom I love I do touch and increase
vibrant sympathies, Wellness, — Trust
the life which we live then is Just and Divine
it can boggle the mind,
It Does Heal
With every turn of the wheel


circle the circle

far too much angst in these times,
in these times
while we seek
there are So Many Lines
secure for the one is invasion
to others
nigh on the hill comes the
call to all Mothers

reinforce wisdoms which once
were All Known
circle the circle
weighty the stone
fire to warm thee
winds which fling, fly
the seas of forever in the tears
of our eyes

we be yet creatures , the Moon
pacing time
circle the circle
fruit on the vine
bless with thine  hands now
all in your sphere
far into the future
they shall know
you were Here

as feather upon Sea

landscapes of subconscious thought
do come to me in dreams :
the wounded and the long forgotten
winnow ’round my feet
holding in my arms that which
does bleed and barely breathe :
all is upon me to Save & I am calling out
for help, for I am incomplete.

something in me reckoning
the soul within this skin
knows the magick happens
but is not now happening

weighted, I am downward pulled
by gravity of spinning :
oh, to have my soul released
finally shed monstrosity
aging & disparity and all the human things of me :
perhaps then I could just
float on
as feather upon Sea
let the wind me upward send
and leave the body be

call to all mothers

far too much angst in these times,
in these times
while we seek
there are So Many Lines
secure for the one is invasion
to others
nigh on the hill comes the
call to all Mothers

reinforce wisdoms which once
were All Known
circle the circle
weighty the stone
fire to warm thee
winds which fling, fly
the seas of forever in the tears
of our eyes

we be yet creatures , the Moon
pacing time
circle the circle
fruit on the vine
bless with thy hands now
all in your sphere
far into the future
they shall know
you were Here

rituals of wellness

There is much wisdom
in the ways of that which Grows
but does not Speak;
which does not
seek shelter but provides it.
Deep roots and
Seasons of dormancy,
survival through spans
of both drought & abundance

Image result for old growth woods

 Vital to my soul,  routines of wellness.
To honor each day the elements is a most basic
and fundamental acknowledgement of my
place, my spirit & my sources of spiritual strength.
other humans ‘want’ & ‘need’;

many would

create static in our flow,
with interruption, distraction & demands
We Can Not from Nature
be separated
yet we are often
diverted from our healthiest Being
by the sheer volume
the flash & flicker which pulls our eager eyes….
Maintaining a spiritual focus in these times requires more than
just a desire to do so;  one must make of such focus a priority
Image result for sultry mirror sunlight

Continue reading

kindred bright vast things

take me Thus to Crow Country;
dark shapes do adorn the trees –
my Shadows there will not be Odd
where None Debate the Law nor gods –
priceless coalescence : find
we are one essence, one vast mind
to live as such is to be free :
I would me Live in Time to these

all flow together in that place
darkness brings such gentle grace-
yes, please take me there, that Space –
I’m lost –
in this world of
Buy & Cost
I would be in the shadows free, commune
with other
Shadow Beings, tunes of worthy reverie
to sing  with kindred bright vast things

all the touching

lost alone
cannot handle all the touching
intimates best
left for those who
woesome martyr
aye, dejected
you have the vibe perfected
 demons rising –
remove you from the play
frustration rage you’re storing
it has no place else to stay
if you had love, you wouldn’t hold it
you would burn, scratch or
wayward fold it
the touch of a hand makes you flinch
ah, such lack of confidence
some can touch so easily
we woesome are self caged
and not set free
another lonely would be lover
with all the parts for
here, the lonely lover is
reclusion true
and she don’t mind
she will live in shadow worlds which
occupy her time until
the sleep comes, with the xanax
nice and deep
no one then does matter
most of all, not She

spectral phenomenon

no i have not lost my wings
they be such transient things
like fins I grow when in the sea
feathers do companionably
manifest when I’m fixin to fly
though I rise
you know, the soaring
tis much in my mind, jet stream roaring

yet I am a creature
of many fine realms
i wish you could tell by my form
to you, I look broken and worn

oh, what this form does conceal
from the eye
great flights fantastical
both sea & sky
and into the realm of the mind
tis true you can not see
that from here

spectral phenomenon
mind firing bright
thus I do long for
reprieve in the night


know the shadows, each to claim –
we know no two are quite the same
you find your soul within the night
open, without compromise
choose your own illumination : provide
the setting for Your Sensations
building to a peak & sigh
such shadow lovers, you & I Continue reading

sacred, in the dark

not of this world, but i must remain
my life is not mine own to claim
 there is a  marked
refrain which bids me stay :
and oh, my heart of hopeful human
whispers there might
be a reason yet —
a chance to reconnect here now & somehow
summons spark —
I would me thus not wander but move
sacred, in the dark
and if there was a potion, I would drink it :
 law of attraction bids me think these thoughts and claim it
yet all the positivity
is running down my leg : I’ve swallowed
all the remedies
still can’t find my head
would that a bolt of lightning from above
surge,  bid me fly :
raise those wings ‘they’ always speak of
and to this world say goodbye
so mote it be
if there begins a ransom, here’s a note
i am driven , me to tears, by some
biologic  host demanding
that I at this time
though stained
stay in
a time of
circles turning while I am
circling the

coming in love

tis a sad space
waiting for a call :
a call which never comes :
pitious, this
this… heart that dares have feelings
dares to hope someone will love enough
to care that there is happiness in life :
holidays, they matter even if just a chance to
acknowledge our bonds
dissatisfying though they must be
for you to avoid coming in love
to me
mother’s day 2019

some tender

oh, such is mine, heart of ‘melancholique’
always, forever the tragic I seek :

substernal pangs evoke an eloquence, magick of a kind
that which stings is thus
Right on that Line of ecstasy & madness & divine 

we are fruit on the vine,
some tender, some
drying :
all rage & love and
depend, none denying
we sense & see life

point of view
i am me. thank the heavens
you are you

here, to do what we do : brief as a whisper
just as thrilling :

and I shall meet you thus, another time
the passage of which is
more circularly defined in my mind

How Many Sleeps
I get to You ?
the rich prescience
here in your relevance & somehow also
in mine.
we are
fruit, coming : rich on the



adorned by darkness

endless night, I would embrace
the sun seems for me
to have no place
spurred on by the lack of light
me, I’d dwell in endless night
take the light, I do not love it
me, myself I’d rise above it
see the scrambling far below
for money, cars & shit & clothes
endless night cares for these things
not a bit, no songs to sing
no love to find, no fancy shoes
adorned by darkness, this
I choose


know my blood
the vintage of my woes
i have yours and you have mine :  open your mouth on
me, imbibe . as source of life, as breath .
waking for tomorrow
 steep my vibe tis sorrow : in your tongue & your
gesture a poet flows. your eyes shine
springtime holds the darkness, deep
: we come and then : we go
we find the center of the
flare of searing heat
you wash your presence over me ;
in dark  our intense sessions –
can beget resurrection
 you breathe on my skin  & your essence
we can be one
in oh so many ways
the weaving of our days, our Lessons :
our flora
touch me with your joy
i am yours : in my aura you are spectral
we can exist Pure here for a time .
you, me, the universe
sentient, penultimate : divine



seeking restive alibi

disentangle me from life
i’d have no husband
I’d be no wife
angels, demons through me flow
i am neither, i am both
indeed some wretch’d unholy ghost :
disengender fear to show
there grows a masterpiece of woe
which feels not anything
travels & travails through light  to find some comfort in the night
my body wants to stay alive though I would leave its weightiness : the flesh which clings is brutal, rent with scars & carrying pain : i would leave the sad refrain
my soul borne ever upward high
seeking restive alibi,

Matter is all gravid, downward
who would wish for such survival
– having known such vice without a thrill : i would swallow any pill
that promises relief
this the mania of me,

the guardian on call
has been biology, tis all :
sturdy constitution
shrieking, mad & driven to then
lie in a dark dank room
depression – too  has given

from this i would know release
there is no you, there is no me
and soaked full in
come to find i’ve ceased to care

what purpose now serve I ?

i cannot even cry : and no one calls, no one comes

I am four fingers and two thumbs

feeding canines,  begging night to come and cover me, exit light : give me sanctuary, second sight survive, come  to  conclusion .  living might be worthy.   prove tis not illusion : i know of no solution.

no other path to find the grave.

no other souls to save.  no pretty gates await me :

let the night come, come and take me.

wedded me thus to the night.  in deep sleep my soul takes flight.

when i wake to find me here, inside this body, yet again.  nothing left to fear but living out the day.  find myself some way t&  persevere.  to move from here to here.  weed and wine and pack, canine.  I would dance in shadows fine.  is no one here within that vibe.? somehow, I still stay alive

dark matter

bless the theme of fertility and the sense
of humor one must employ to traverse this plane
to hold things dear & have them
go away : to see new things come & not quite
what does come & what does go
Apophenic Creatures
we assign theme,  we create themes
from what we see & feel
our brain forms  connections
sometimes when there are none.
the  universal language  Is the MATH
Science we agree upon, one alphabet
quantum physics
your anchor & hawser
i do believe the science more than anything
and oh,  awarenesses shift, planes are fluctuant
someday that science shall
my long bones sift. would someone could
use them as a cane or pipe : they would not have to ask me twice :
use my skull as fruit bowl in spring, if your dare, for berries.
shall be a deeply vibrant thing this cranium
for always, always
such a state
I am in.

Vicarious Needs

when in moods of angst
we slake our thirst
with wit – fine words arrayed amongst well known
intoxicants.  why
so desperate, this Being, THIS  BEING sometimes..?
in such planes unknown  ( but known non benign ):  never full abjuring Now,  I promise me some Then ;
oh. Quest Assured Begins .
planting various seeds
to fill
Vicarious Needs
to leave in the hands of No Other : Keep my own  Vibe Clean

love thy brother

but keep the last hit
life is that way,
it is what it is

Never Say Never !!   cover thy ass
you may not be first
but make sure you’re not last :

and oft we be bruised:
fearful –  confused
weaknesses persist : thus  be wise
raise your head.
you breathe better in bed :
turn a drunk brother
on his belly : gravity to keep an airway clear :  how we seek oblivion
thank the gods
for what tis here :
tranquility we find
tis heaven
& divine  (keep reading, the best is yet to come )

wine bed
only if we live, only if we choose
but then we’ll never know
we’ll never know
For there are no Rules
Only Guidelines
Only shades
We were meant
To Feel Our way
The Other side
Blessings of the

weed big bowl


Continue reading

to comfort the disabled

do not called me maimed : I shall my own scars claim

individual chemistries will damn the living lot of thee

two thumbs and four strong fingers

so long now anger lingers : plucked from living

so succinctly

myself thus lost distinctly

sculpting a new concept has been difficult for me

all that I could do, I did which made me who I was

she is not here, not anymore

a ship which drifted far from shore

returning to a hometown, spent

recognize not one percent

of what I was to what I am

I would deny

take me to the nighttime

let me loosen up and fly

reach and touch forever

with every respiration, change is fluctuant
we shift
i feel your friction
as a
rub on me some sacred, sift the dust of infamy

in this Season we shall see
a thousand thousand petals, we
scent of Life, our incremental
passage comes
through the breath of Heav’n

scent & well
warm and eager,
we be One
with all the elements of life :
the sorrow & the joy
the wayward tinker toy,
the blossom

come, let us enriching be,
no repentance
yes hail the Sun
and thus the Shadow, lo, and know
we are as sum… we come and go :
we heave & drift

we cry, commit
and laugh sometimes, if it is so :
please me, love –
come rise above
the trough of least endeavor :
when you are within me,
I can reach and touch forever


into the span of shadow

waking, ah…a rising to the surface
& an irritant, methinks the purpose is…
one known and known again ;
a ragged stuttering of pen
and ink on paper, a poem incomplete
on and on I venture,
this me who seeks to speak

Night then, self to carry, weary – wrangled woe
into the span of shadow
behind the Earth’s back, tucked in close

Sunlight cannot reach me :
oh, so much the Night can teach me
It quiets chatter from all ‘sellers’ and the
screens, my gods they lie
even mirrors queer the visage : bound to
psychologic missives
How to Look & How to Dress
eroding self esteem
without all doubts
mirrors, magazines & screens
None mean a single thing, they don’t equate
they are never in my dreams
and rightly so : there is no contemplation
of reflections where I go.

bring me Night, with fingers touch
in shadow I am quite enough
None into Dream can Follow
Nightsong Sigh, a soul unspooling
neither vain nor hollow
escape the pain of the form in which
i needs dwell : listen, shhh… She Calls
ah, the Night knows me  so well.
we meet as in ritual, twilight Her Venue
baptism in darkness, thus
Life can Continue


(verse ^^^^^)

genius with penchant for dying

no humans by me, willing
they are themselves fulfilling
there is no gentle hand of care
upon my brow, to comfort there
Never has there been, I see
I am something
of the outcast and live only in my sleep

grief’s a dish best supped alone
fragrant in the darkness sweet
rendolent of bone
this barren structure
i call home

no discomfort ‘mongst  the dead
coroner & psychic
listening to what their body says
and intuition, telling
bacteria of decomp smelling

here i’ve found some common ground
don’t mind the bodies all around
i know they don’t mind me
their journey continuing
they flow, I  heed
seek for a secret, truth
spoke in flesh
torn or pierced
knowing mammals are commonly structured

borderline, dissociative
others get along like this
numb with mental gears all flying
genius with penchant for dying
knowing somewhere else I’ll be
whatever center I do seek

venture into sun, i may
but true luxuriate in shade :
no winter is too cold for me
stone and wind
never from them turn
let the cold like fire burn

stepping away from this thing, Life
gladly, with a skip in my stride.
understand me, the Departed
i shall n’er be broken hearted
bodies fall to gravity’s call
spirits thus rise in the aethersphere’s pall
parted from element
a mind which broadens thus is sent
past horizons
into spaces
where no light shines I’ll emanate
I shall through the Black Hole fly
becoming something
Like the Sky

springtime in milwaukee

i love all the shadowy windows in big buildings. we lived there, the three of us, so young..  Milwaukee Wisconsin.  The Knickerbocker .  ..back .. when we were .. oh my, living another lifetime… 30 years back;   my biggest city experience to that point.  We were in The City  by the Lake & it Was Spring !!  Perhaps I floated on winds of the Beneficent :   Perhaps all Youth is Vigorous,  bright and without fear.   I found the halls inside the building an echo of the buildings themselves and myself moving through them, passages of varied size and stone, mostly, with windows.  windows seen from within, windows seen from without.  .. shades raised, lowered. awnings up, awnings down, lights on, evening, wee hours…..,, a face.  a geranium.  flags. bustle –   and I knew that within my body other passages existed, made of protein and calcium;  arches, arteries;   blood flowing and electricity wired, ahhhh .  throughout all !!

.  Life moves within corridors of large stone buildings.  lightning crackles through the sky.  it is all one thing, I know.  I Know.

Continue reading

safe is sacred space

and though the day does ask of me
certain bursts of energies
consistent in my caring : but for the night
I long & dream – so here I be
my pockets filled and building up
a head of steam
into the day I venture, well :
Propelled Toward  Night,
all fear dispel
no greater gift know I than Night
arms held wide
to welcome me
from my day’s adventuring
my peace, my goal
my prize
let the shadows
calm my eyes

To Day, I Say   “Here I am for the doing!:
alas !   in my heart
tis  Dark I’m pursuing

oh, pour some shadow over me please if you love me

turn off the lights . let me feel.  skin is skin and there is no sin in the night I choose my safe.  safe is sacred space.  a place where we can sleep. dreaming potent dreams