they teach me of their peace

all i wish is relevance : i used
to wish for eloquence and
long thin thighs and shapely
breasts : I would me bugger
all the rest
give me now sincere respect
and let my deeds have relevance
 
aging true, we can’t deny
listen how they say “time flies”
do not me let a day go by
where I do not me give
in the manner which I live
recycling is one such deed
and socks for
cold unsock’ed feet
wave the car in who would merge
and each night sleep
when on the verge
allow me know
that I do flow
and to the trees I’m brief
i turn to them for guidance
and they teach me
of their peace
 
let my arms be limbs weight bearing
and my heart with honest caring
never impotent
moving as I’d hope, swift in moment
eager hands
shall lead me to some promised land
where I do matter for my deeds
this is where this
life’s path leads
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tis wicked ! the best !

numbers will call to you :
one sure wise thing
they do.
Music is number based,
letters linguistic
tones rise & elevate
bass vibe ballistic
we humans do seek to commune solipsistic
thus dance with me rhythm
as I seek out this rhyme
the numbers and letters
do fill up the mind
so I stop
and I kneel and I rest
and I feel,
Epiphany !! Feeling, tis wicked, the best!
and every new thought is the finest thought yet : I suspect that
such feelings have engendered such wonder
every human
would save them
using letters and numbers
seek to remind and elicit again-every fine thought in the head :
every romp on the bed –
the thrill of the soul  as it’s been via some
strokes of the pen

I could go on as to end of time
with numbers, they marching
and marching in Time
and though we Know we also do not
for we seek and we wait and we
live by the clock
yet we know
when we’re quiet
surely spirit does tells us
there is no Line, we are all
circle dwellers
we turn and we turn, we intensify space
and when our time’s done
our density stays
deeds of love, deeds of giving
without Count, with no Pay
thus
I shall me live on in this way
returning, returning
again and again
heartfelt the wonder
on the
manner of men

undefined and yet immense

the color of the twilight sky
the brush of breath
when you do sigh
your heartbeat sure my lullabye
my love is known for now
may it be as gravity, across
dimensions travel never for you  be unraveled
Love sure undefined and yet
immense, the whole world present tense
does to Love Bow
if only for a moment, anyhow

practicing for blindness

when  practicing for blindness. there are spaces of patience
you must come to know
watchful and self securing see
green lightning flash in another’s eyes
light echo is symmetry

confirm’d  me in your eyes
I will wait.   so too . economize :
i would take You by surprise
do not doubt my will to Be . I shall abide persistently

like melting sea, the roam of the Earthshine
on waxing to perigee satellite  i know Her Tune
as a child is born,  Eclipse, and in Shadow
a spark, all is One all is one says the Moon

Tenebrae

 

complete bliss

stirring in the womb
happening, quickening
we’ll be there yet, oh, earth of me
we Shall share some friction
vibe of life here, there : dormancy ascends
strong everywhere
very deep in the dark
warm space
most attached to my soul’s own grace
where did this
idea of
complete bliss originate ?
surely it was within the heart of
one who wrote.

it’s a shame we’re such a human race
what makes us glorious also
makes us dangerous, somehow
there is such an
Edge to a brilliant human and surely
we wish to move
closer there
not all at once
always poignantly, silly things
we miss the point so oft it seems yet
do our basic good
and all does flow as it
should

putting Nikes Upon your feet

 

The matrix of the money
Let it go, it has No worth
Be the flow of symmetry
You have known before your birth
Conditioned response
Has been upon you imposed
Telling you that you must buy and
wear such clothes
Placing before you
Cheap food to eat
And putting those Nikes
Upon your feet

Shadow Soul cleanse me
Of social constraints
I would be reborn as a creature  and dwell in this place
in peace, not in anger
Violence in nature
is not true demeanor
We do so embody
Peace if we choose
Here in my shadow place
Saved by my own hand Grace
disregard have for  Man
hold wisdom & this understand
The path is not righteously clear
But I know you can get there
From here

landscape of wonder

Let me build a place of shadow 
Where I can rest my eyes
shielded, where no anger touches 
& I won’t be traumatized 
Give me certain access when threat’ning words do fly 
Safe is My Choice,
bring protection as voice
For the small & the vulnerable lives 
Come to me lost  and dejected 
I cannot your woes dismiss 
But offer repose
by your own hand know 
Your peace can be limitless 
learning the landscape of
wonder, tripping in places of woe
see that you grow your own garden
and seeds drifting land bearing weight
be thus prepared and be willing
protection provide for this space
be threatened then not by Humans
hold wisdom and sure understand
the path to self is not
righteously clear
but I know you can surely
get there from here
and not with a trick of the eye
but in certain endeavor which
flows on forever
your energies
never shall  die
your energies never shall die

insid’ous disease

i live me now within a house, a house all
filled with tears
 waking me each morning
i find i am  still here
the sky outside  is filled with light
 the walls within  stand strong
but the  sorrow is unchanging
it has just moved along
 
I am now, now is pain
now is broken, here again
wounds carved too deep to compress
daily tend their bloody mess, bleeding
 cleanse  and Sure decree
“you shall not carry wounds with thee”
then stand, I do…and carry them
as if we’re twins or I married them :   insid’ous disease
which makes of the day
a sorry sad thing
in this house
made of tears where I live with my pain
 
the wounding does follow me
straight out the door
trail made  tailing where ‘er I go
fast ,  slow or middling
sorrow keeps up
it lines all the cushions
and fills every cup
the mirror, the floor
the stairs, none are safe anymore
sorrow has etched its indelible mark
and here i am broken, before i can start
tis a rent which goes
deep , to the bone, to the heart
i would fly if I thought I could leave
seems I’m sentenced
in this life
to grieve
and in pain
to circle me, circle the drain
to the wounded & dying cry
“you shall be in paradise”
is this fair, this falsity?
for Heaven’s myth  once dwelt in me
inside, and when I’m suff’ring
it is Hell and very true
why give uncertain promises
to those
who know no cure?
they too circle drains with me
and brew their own calamity
in fairness to them  to proclaim
“you shall find peace in some strange way
but it is far ahead in time, perhaps
morphine will thee suffice”
but making of a paradise,
it cannot
and  Oh, how I’ve  tried : i know of no true
heaven unless
tis  when we die
nothing then can hurt me
anymore
i don’t care where you bury me
or burn and scatter, rev’rently
toss me in the ocean
let me be the food for fish
just let me find a way to exit, exit
all of this

a safe and reverent solace

Alight, we be .
Electric, We . Spun in threads
tense pale things which spark
& shift a chemistry
which is the pulsing, breathing me
. transformers we, electric –
– joining, flow Hare’s Heartbeat;
Lightning strike; be Thunderclap alike,
the Wind has fed me breath & called me Wise
A fluid, shifting shadow,
Earth gives Density to Me .
Iron Rich Heme Soaked we
awash in- sensitivity
I do so seek a safe
and reverent
solace Science – proof
for I myself can be this Thing,
A Vivid Magic Truth.
Mysterious, a storm each of us Intricately borne –
Why ever be forlorn?
Tis brief, our time .
But rich & dense & meant for sense &
senses have we all –
I’d live enthralled to Carry
fundament & vow
making space here safe somehow
I know tis So. Within this Truth is substance.
Safe ye be & home beneath
the Sky & deep inside
your Bones. Vital, willing, seeking.
Coming always Home
this the single tale be told yet
ongoing and rich, elemental limitless
to dip and rise : while in this form
we rage a storm and
sweet springtime’s rising warm
the chill of living things
which do now dormant rest
we are the worst, the best
the inbetween
we make the magic which we seek
and live the
mysteries

revolving door

her body housed a tender heart,
now she keeps it walled in stone
n’er risk rejection
for some affection
more well Cold , Alone
 
long ago without protection
she offered up, unknown
love which then was used, just Used
fucked and left to lie
starved for months,
the promise, Love denied.
all hope within her died
 
the hint of any kin
starts that crawling in her skin
useful vice was paradise, fingers
slick dipped skimmed
whisper’d in
her ear
her neck with kisses mouthed
meaningless the words were then
: this truth
her Breaking In
 
her motto now, “there is no love
and nothing’s free”
no one thinks of her you see
not much anymore
which suits her fine
the walls remain, she shields her flame
and those she once adored
she sees as
empty things, delusion
she’s done her time on that dance floor
dim the lights and long her nights
as a revolving door

giving and receiving light

morning calls and we concede
to these brighter
energies
knowing that the day does lead –
our doing being bodies need the
giving and receiving light thus
up and onward, to the night
retire we to
sleep and heal
down to the place where
we’re most real :
validate that which we feel
that which matters most
restore the energies we host
and rise again to find
benevolence in kind

blessings to this  day & doing

know tis wellness
we’re pursuing

no words to say 

to my touch you
now consent
someday when our flesh relents
we shall ourselves be simply bones
spare in graves we shall call home.
would you then with me down lay?
there would be no words to say
earth shall hold us in her hand
and oh, -to Slow.   
understand .  nothing
which we need or want
shifting bones be elegant
eternal matter sifting slow
there is nowhere else to go
. we have always been right here
clothed in Flesh or Vale or Tears
know the Middle Earth and Air are constants
in reaction
chemical, ongoing
there is so much for the knowing
let no trivia delete that which would your
soul trip sweeten
know you Now, recognize you
later or in spacial quantities too vivid
for the eye to see : brief our time
here veil wise and soon the sea
and sky
bless every Other side
[]

a toast to the Sun (winter solstice)

bless this Night of all Nights Known
the skies deep dark
our Souls our Own
call then call we
to the Sun
instinct to gather
safe and warm
no need for extravagance
but yes, share your best
for in this season
tis a Thanks from the Blessed

a toddy, a cup raised
a toast to the Sun
spinning and tipping
the Earth does become
intemperate for this time
celebrate our spark,  tis warmth divine

 

oddly shadowed

the dream will not release me
though awake and walking , me
shaking a bit, which is odd
for it’s never happened, see
as if in dreamstate I remain and my body
quite unsure
is wavering & moving
though subconscious will not demur
 
walking though some homes
where I once lived a time
and others are now living
but using things of mine
 
a baby dead upon a stoop
with a sibling, younger, living
in my dream
i find this and I scoop the live one
succor I am giving
when the living child does transform
another creature does become
and I advise the gathered crowd
to “burn it!”
this I call aloud
 
fields of waving violet and ivory
wind does move. plants
which placed there for the sun
to catch and not remove
I’m walking here among them
decrying lilies there
when I am quite sure they should be
planted ‘over there’
 
along the banks of some great water
houses of all types
cabins and some shanties stand
I’m told this is the promised land
my passed on Father in Law Bob is there
to greet us one and all :
and here we do not change the sheets
other loves I’ve know I meet
my canines gone before
they trot there, through the door
they answer to their names and age
does not hold them any more
 
waking from this other land
my body falters, here i stand
i’m wavering and still my mind
is clouded by all I did find in dreamscape
dishes I have used and
construction jobs I once approved
my children grown and other kids
I did not even know they lived
 
now awake I find I’d venture back
me, into sleep
a clear thought to me, in the dream
were all the promises I’ve to keep
perhaps someone is crossing yet today
I was with my husband’s mother
who is yet here, yet she strays
toward the ever after and I wonder
if she passed
last night
while by her side there I did stand
visiting
that oddly shadowed, strange and awkward land
 

night induced

oh, I fly on stimuli and memory sense
never let a day go by
without darkness blackly writ
Earth the Sun to Block
to rinse my soul and conscience clean
amazing absolution sleep & dreams
strength this brings
to my functioning
 
and in the resting spaces for the mind, let me
linger, linger long
i promise I’ll return g’vn time
in some shape or form
 
daily from deep depths
it seems each day
should be reborn . tis the only way
i can go on. for i am still
strong but also now
 torn
with stain.  the tinted glass of
traumas : many
have made me thus
tis my humor now
to be the child with watching eyes
who learned to scurry swift and hide.
the little girl who loves the night induced,
knowing shadows harbor truth

a dream as seen through windows or : right there in my bed

a dream as seen through windows last night
in a place i’ve dreamed before
which was  then dreamed,  seen from outside
in a dream which had no doors

the hill upon which
all was perched
seemed so sane and bright
gazing through the windows
as through portholes, seaward sight
light from sky was green and gold
window squares my
gaze did hold
and outside ran the dogs and goats and I could see    how wild

wind – whipped the trees, thrashing beyond the glass
hard sent scurrying, the leaves

through many hallways, alcoves, bars
i set upon my dreamscape’s  heart
to make it home my goal in time
the journey urgent in my mind
market which was open air did offer
free drinks everywhere
a taste of this, a taste of that
the sky grown dark and filled
with bats : canine shoulders shin relating  summer t’was
the trees sure sheathed
with vibrant mounding boundless leaves
canines who beside me dwell
meandered streets as dusk’s wind swelled
… my breath did gracious waft the air
scent of wine wick’d everywhere perfume delight in musk and grape
i passed the families housed at night
adventured on in dwindling light

the dream did end as it began
Gazing through a window,  glass hands-breadth span
that far from home I was me then
the canines ran ahead
and thus wakened me, t’was morning
right there in my bed
a circle  ever turning
perhaps within a yearning to know the
freedom of a dream and drink the wine
and chase the leaves
gravid with
unspoken clarity….

subconscious runs the route
each night
and I awake to be me well
tho dreams may take away the spell of
solitude and grace
as cobwebs in the face, they linger
wisp insistent
whisper
“there is more to…what you dream”
& I’m so sure tis so
tonight, I would again there go
in streetlight’s shine and
open me a  world divine : let my soul fly free

explain all mystery aborning
when in every nightshadow  I am seeking
My Way Home
companions keeping me attached to Earth
and form and pointed in sane directions
until such time as we are reborn
oroboreal true
Earth’s circadian cues

day turns me to night
i would me dream sleep fly

 

[]  art image http://anedecoco.com/boda-bajo-la-lluvia/

symphony of the inky soul

no one knows the way to me
i am a cave beneath the sea
the entrance hidden . tis my own
the letter g
like grasp and groan

those who think they know
are wrong
they shall never sing my song
symphony of the inky soul
which knows that hell’s
my own to grow
made by my own sick device
exit made through sacrifice

such a steely complement
ragged, steaming, torn
once now, twice
the abyss claimed right
it looms forever in my sight
and from it I am reborn reborn

from it i am reborn

 

[]day turns me to night i would me dream sleep fly

soul vibe and spice

who do I seek
when I cannot in words
make sense of the storm
which
my mind has incurred ?
 rampant and messy,
willing and wise
some cannot stand by
Intensity’s Side
[]
they’ll be the poorer
for when battles rage
my voice is the clarion call
of the age
calling to strengths which
are buried so deep
many bland lives these
truths never meet
[]
life tho, rich life
brimming sorrow and vice
require this density
soul vibe and spice
never doubt that the world
needs people like me
now step away
or surely you’ll bleed
not from attack but surely
from storm
‘ve been me Hurricane
since I was born

guardian of the vulnerable

he took me home
after class
he pulled off my wings
then he laughed
he did not know
I was serpent and claws
with no need of wings
i arose without pause
what I did to that man, oh
righteous the doing
 a deed for all small
and vulnerable beings
with predator pursuing
[]
nod to Deftones
“change”

unknown places where I still fit

i held on to a vision of me
who I was supposed to be
and grieved when she was no longer possible
it has been a journey away from mirrors
and into unknown places where I 
still “fit” but did not know
I could exist and even shine
so focused I was on that Me

and it is ruse, delusion
I am many things and She had a good long run
but She is just one version of
the Soul a’fire with willing
hands
which I still
am

peerless

when haven’t we wanted
to Know the Most
hold the key to Enigma
within
tis our nature, to hold something
safe for ourselves
just ours
( mine )

hold on to your thing : that which
would defy you can make you priceless, peerless.
beyond reward. freeward.  redefinition
my shadow is my
strength

the me no one can have, the me no one can be

crypt

these places, crematorium and cemetery are made for the Living, We….
you know, not for those who have passed
they ask no marker : tis we who Remain. Remain and Think, Ponder;
who need the place of mourning, inhalation of Status / Living ….those passed, if asked
they would say “do not mourn me :
remember all the love We Share.Now, the person We Created, together

we share it ……
Share it still. do not sit still. move and grow.
i am still with you, you know” 

let it Feel.   FEEL    let it feel This way.  

truths known from afar

seems we are magic, though we recognize not
light most splendiferous we have begot
within skin, which is threaded with millions
of cues all leading in to the
soul which is You
brain a’fire, wired, ourselves we’re electric
and all manner of life dwells within
this collective : Universe, aye
far flung with no throne
microscopic unlimited
vast, yet unknown
consider then all that which
flows within, know
we are indeed magic
seek and thus grow
soul, spirit, shining, vigorous
stand
upon the edge of a limitless span :
when gravity calls to my body, I’ll know
and lie down where the pulling of elements slows
and rising, my rising, my spirit
tis just
shall join all in middle air
above stir and dust
crystalline, glimmering,
filled full with stars
these are the truths I have
known from afar.
to fear this transition is to be human still
in fervor and effort to live, live, reveal…
to die in one plane’s to be born in another
in the middle air spirits around us
do hover
guardian, aura, predominant strain
know that to rise is the essence of Gain
feeling the wind, now we shall become
the sea, the isobars
totality’s sum

mighty beast

mighty beast
may you live in peace
be born and grow from infancy
rutting, antlers
chafe and shed
be awesome, rising there
your head not trophy but of earth
and sky : the spark of life
your own
never by another from you
taken : when we learn this symmetry
mankind will thus be free
the spark shall flow through you
and me and every caddisfly and tree : storm cloud
childbirth
rose and thorn
we shall lie down in the night
while other worlds are born
harm none, harm none
grow strong in trust and carry
on, what was shall be again
before and now
and someday
then
no distant shore but those in dream
and when we venture us to Sea
or in the womb, we finally landed on the
thigh of Mother,
sigh
thinking less and loving more
differing reverent tone
 bright within
with wit and whim
and deep in blood and bone
here below tis as above, let it be so
and on and on Circadian
ourselves diurnal roll
Tis Wellness Just
Thus tis our Goal

not dead yet

and the worst of it, the worst of it (for now, for now)
has been passed
through by sleep or somnolence :
swaddled in layers of
disassociation and drugs
while what i am healed and moved
somehow going through the motions
managed to ride out major storms and awaken,
so far away : yet right here i am
another decade passed
i was myself numb for most of it but that’s okay – here i am
not dead yet

a worthy peace

and to which gods shall we pray ?
the ones who have stayed away ?

the ones who ’round us
are gather’d, 
we as prey
throaty hounds which bay,
set upon
we trapp’d treed weak and
frightened things

i think there is no savior to be known but
the hand which is our own.

otherwise, the thought is grim that we are born and die, thus spent
without reason, without sense
we are without
consequence

love perhaps the only thing of pertinence
here, passing on the energy
recycling form and consciousness
reborn : this would be a worthy
peace. this thought
shall accompany me
into my
sleep

plea, prayer or curse

whispering
morning keep the skies sullen
for me
no glare can I conceive
that would me give the same sweet peace
as summer dense in canopy : tree
of century, arms to raise
and give me shadow
in summer days am I to beg to raise, yet i do .  as surge of sea toward sun. warmth bids me rise  and I know no other way I am of earth & sea, physics do me command : though I vibrate over land, I cannot linger .  i am a membrane pressed on lip a many creased and opaque finger.   holding impulse and exhalation … cease absorb and do not expostulate  to not speak is sane, to give yourself to nonverbal cues. these are understood across any universe.  plea, prayer or curse, entreating.  some smart ass begs a beating > but some words are soul and they’re happening.  they’re not pushing anyone, they ask nothing > they are happening.  you can happen too.

we shall know again

trauma exposed to me the depths of my own darkness
the experience of a dark lifetime
opiates, the amputations. the loss of identity
disassociation. pondering demise : a wish for it to end, for it to die
but
i am both ethereal and abysmal
this dwells within us all : and if we do not succumb to fear
nor bitterness we shall know again a kind
of ecstasy . perhaps not innocence, no
but then…how long did you think THAT could last ?

thank you , all less than ten of you
who have maintained a relationship with me
through the throes of rebecoming
which are still happening today

much progress was made in 2018
it is such a relief to fully recognize
that We are the Monster in our life
and also the Divine

 

art : Boris Groh

Dips and Hollows

Upon her Soul there
Lay a Veil
A sorrow stitched
& writ . An essence, fragrant
Cloying
Of her losses
Redolent

She herself quite
Unaware : perceiving
Light had changed
But of Her Scent
It’s Complement
n’er a bit nor
subtle Hint  . no none of her remained

Unaware she lingered
where
Pure joy had never been
The places where the echoes
Of the dead so often tarried
Dips and Hollows
Stone bound, chill
The voices Whisper carried
Even still and languishing. she cannot
Pull away
the murmur of the unfulfilled
Her Shadow
Begs her Stay

a bridge, now

how i used to love your touch
when it didn’t hurt so much
where is the gentle thing
you used to be ?
 
taking all your losses
disappointments out on me…
I am not the one who has
let you down
i am simply the one
who is around
 
you shake your fist to the sky
give God Decrees
when No One answers,
you look at me
 
run little soul, run. soul ..hide
find the dark spaces
and make them your own
scent of warm wood and dust
will fill you with peace
for the darkness you can trust
it will never harm you :
never lie
 
and when the shaking of the
floor joists cease
come out
build yourself
a bridge, now
brick by brick & plank by plank
a bridge which will
lead you far from this place

fluid

fluctuant with element
hydrogen and oxygen
urgent true to gravity
the path of least resistance seek
bound & snug, unperturbed
this Sea of Us remains
intact whether Gulf
or Tear
from eye
the science we cannot deny
flowing, cleansing,
fill hydrate
never to the source belated
while not conscious we
respirate
and all of Heaven within us
relates

cascade immense

your touch sets off a cascade
and the hairs on my skin are all raised
as if my aura were electrified
by your own spark
promising
the touch which will commence
avalanche immense
contained within
my frame this fervor
singular, condensed

 

 

 

art : pearl and godiva

Mass of Christ in Solstice Time

the longings of the human heart
can herein be summed and
given start
for in this tradition, Hope is Born
and disappointment also
borne
we learn the nature of life
in this Mass of Christ
in Solstice Time

only one return is True
the Sun which does Return to You
as Earth’s Pole has met it’s depth
and toward the Sun shall now begin
to tip, yes so it’s true
this theme in Life
for you :

count on Humans Not One Bit
tis the Earth
which is Limitless and true.

never lies to you

 

 

andrew wyeth christmas morning

La.bouche

Astan saint Claus
Lucid . Lucia.
Vowels & Consonants
which
Fit in the Mouth 
And so much ends up
Passing in through
La.bouche

Solstice
Sustenance
No need for any part
of your being
To go without

Carpe Vitum
Understand
Almost
Everything

 alexi Kanstev art

premonition

 

I have foreseen

life’s changing tone : I have myself girded

for we all Must, Alone

when the darkness begins to thicken

our Soul must surely quicken

a strange, strange thing

comin down on me

 

even my lover is drifting away…..

he’s oft taken cover

when things turn this way

he is not himself to blame

for this soul sense has no name

a strange premonition

comin down on me

 

will you still be there

when this does pass?  you were at the first I know

but will you be at Last?

I can feel the shadows loom

smell their distinct perfume

what is this sense of pending doom?

makes me hide inside my room….

..a strange premonition…..

comin down on me

 

where is the button?  the one we all can push?

someone once told me  – Vacating is Good

some part of me is fear & the sense won’t even clear

the Sun of Day, the night

both should comfort me, delight

downtrodden in oh, so many ways

I can not tell you all of them today

tis a strange premonition I am saying

comin down on me

 

if I do not return….please promise me this

you will re read these words again

ponder your wish

life can be Rich but also Stained

with the most exquisite pain…a strange premonition…..

comin

down on me

that which I thought eternal

are there any real conversations anymore ?
i thought there were in my life but they have
been wicked away : siphoned slowly
this slow chemical reaction has finally
oxidized that which I thought
eternal :

oh the shifting emotions of Others which
we cannot predict nor control
I long for someone, someone
to whom I can bare my soul
I thought I’d found him
and he Has Seen it All
his words say “of course I still love you”
but his actions say
“go”

every bless’d flight

lending me to this season which is dormancy :  feel the sea
flowing through you, your heart responding
souls gather in these seasonal Unveilings :
those passed, those present
and those yet to be :

mortality and bones
stones and Sea
Your Spark, Recognition
brief and magical :
feel all the corners of your spirit, my friends
we breathe each other’s breath, you know
the oxygen of dinosaurs is Yours, you
flow through an unchanged veil of delicately
balanced aqua salinities
we are water creatures, never doubt
our breath makes heavy
chill air….
we are in that puff, that Cloud of
Warmth, a Vibe
you
greet your eternal Self as Sea and Wind

<>
i close my eyes into
limitlessness
in darkness
blessed to be
a spark and flesh
and breath
give me that deep flow
i am so well within it, dark and the
sound of sleeping canines
all around me, and their warm
is my warm
we cruise through the Night
and through every dark space, every
blessed flight

whispers

whispers crowd  the words we say
once lovers start avoiding ways
which bring to mind a younger frame
flames which leapt then now do dim
whispers scurry after them
wonder, wonder, wondering
what will be tomorrow, then?
when dimmed flames finally gutter out
whispers leaping quick to shout
distaste writ all in your face
which once did gaze expectantly
a shadow cross the door was grace
you hoping that those steps were mine
no longer seek to swoon in time
no whispers now surrounding
in a swirl of energies
you have ceased your thinking of
the love which once was me

the one great gust

there is nothing coming that
you haven’t already seen :
everything that’s happened
is still yes happening
and what’s to be is right smack dab
in the Now of Us
eating from the table drinking from the cup
we see a time line linear
we do not see the one great gust
exhalation which we are Thrust
vibrant transient  whirl of dust
do not fear  tomorrows
they are here, they’ve paid the rent
we rocket through existence
with a glow which slow
does fade
nothing of us ever leaves
do not fear ye then the grave

Ground Round Balloons

have no friends
they always lie
have no pets
they always die
sing no songs you
lose the tune
it flies away like
Ground Round Balloons

have no clothes which are not black
have no love
for it bites back
have no dreams
to not come true
safe and cold
hard, hard as stone
so as not to care
if they come home
not enough of me to share with grief i Will Not Me Go There

nothing to look forward to
no plans for someone to back out
no wishes for my birthday because
no one makes a cake

besides, they’re only acting
no one Really cares
they’re going through the motions
so my angst they will not bear :they too fear to trust Me
I understand the wish
bleak of fear to feel
the hard hard fist in which i clench
which used to be
my heart before t’was irreparably rent

never taken by surprise
maintain perimeter : know
when I DID  yearn and watch
the whole day came and went
and so on, so the next
expectant becomes
dejected
fuck you all that’s worse than beating
a child  at a window
waiting

disappointment breeds
a bitterness
which mellows then to stone
Of Wonder, Hopeful I Was Once
and left on the clothesline
after dark alone
a spoon dropped behind the bed
waiting for a hand which never comes to pick it up and put in back in light again

the old dog who goes to the door each day
waiting for the girl
who went away
and she never comes my heart does clench thought even now and know
this his life in sum

tiny girl
someones party
to the side, She stands
crying, crying, facing towards the woods
because the party is so good
and soon it has to end
this is where
this dark of me
——Not Wanting
did begin

for every hope held in the heart
is batted from the hand
all joys are but fleeting
the sorrow is too great
shoulders can’t amend
when they are in a body
with intellect & madness
the maniac at four years old
she writes this – Understand

if you never hold it close
it cannot break your heart
or change or leave
weight of grief
instead, dead
in your heart

can’t see from where we stand

everyone, you and me in
waves of synchronicity
though how then can we feel
one thing when we feel Everything?
 never meant to be thus Overwhelmed
in somber tones : overcome yet still
 
birds fly over everything
soil spinning plotted out cities
how can we feel  one thing
when we feel Everything
it was never meant to be thus
with so much stimuli, of course the birds they fly, wise
 
creatures ’round me circling
watch egocentricity
though what it’s called is no big deal
spun out in my head thoughts overblown and overgrown
 
everyone, with you and me one
no specificity
though we feel we are singular
vibrant through certain tones
still stay home
in our heads, the sadness grown
yes, yes, feeling all alone when we are anything but this
 
we’ll never see the picture big
we shall never know the plan
woven in and out of it
can’t see from where we stand
egocentric, nonspecific, molecular
and sad
if someone had just warned me
i wouldn’t be so mad
 
birds fly over everything
soil spinning plotted out cities
we feel too much,  feel everything
it was never meant to be thus
never meant to be
about you nor me nor them
no one Not One Specifically upon the grounded land
we do not see how we touch
synchronized and just
in the Big Refrain
individuals in first person, oh, we all just
think too much

dwell in spare refrain

deep i’d gaze into the Well

Sink as stone & lay a spell –

false my  hearty fond farewells

I woulds my Secrets Keep & dwell

away now the warring Tide

snatch myself

straight out of Life

simplicity  I seek

its reign and  remedy

when utterly bereft

i’d dwell in

Spare refrain

Fall, night Shadow, come

wick malingering pain

Tis a lonely but protected Hell

Deep down dark

The silent Well

Coalesce

Some glad morning
This mortal coil shall fall
It has been flinging cells and matter
Every moment Over All
Gravity will win me out 
call me to  my Rest
My Soul Shall lift &
Coalesce into
The Middle Air

I long thus for Release
To know this unbound
Peace
But I cannot me hasten this
I flow with Greater Things

Let me Flow with willingness
May wellness be my Goal
Honesty, integrity
My
Solid Woman Soul

Let me be accountable
Focused, peaceful true
Suffer when there’s
Suffering
Strength of my endeavor
While I am Here
May I be Clear
For deeds flow on
Forever

 

 

Adeolu Osibodu
artwork

gardens everywhere

it’s been a long time since we tripped
my friend
a long time since we drank absinthe
but i don’t mind so much
as I’m hoping t’will be so
we will sit around the table
with no place else to go
gathering as funerary reach out hands to hold
and stand us in a circle then
Never to grow Old
we may lose our molecules
we may need a spirit guide
but the bones inside my body
Shine
when there’s no place left to hide
we shall love
them madly : while we’re hovering in air
watch our bones become the dust of
gardens everywhere : bonemeal
for the roses : clay & peat moss too
i can not think of anything
my bones would
rather do

the next right thing

do not buy the grand illusion
it would take away your truth
replacing it with novelty
proving costly, shallow, cruel
still we humans pleasure measure
by the flash and shine, the bling
which calls to all the curious
‘ here i am, the next right thing ‘

oh humans with our eyes which are
so easily led
dress it up in satin, place it
diagonal on the bed
it may not even breathe, you know
it may true be diseased
but you see it and desire it this shiny
curiosity which is touted by the zealous as
for You, the next right thing

words you’re hearing spoken
lies of hype with image sleek
telling of the Hottest version
Which you Deserve, You’ve Earned,    Take ! Drink !
only tiny print of cost and no words yet
written of the loss
life can only hold so much before something,
someone must be tossed

hold that which within your hands
has not once sought escape
in your arms feel  the familiar
both in timbre and in shape
savor taste of comfort
know the scent of home awaits
turn now from your searching
you have already the right thing

the animus we surely feed

so much importance i would lend
to the function of my hands  yet bones by billions
have come to rest now beneath
the hallowed land

breathe in vast the oxygen
tall in mortal time to stand :
notta lone but woven through
with all that animus can prove

depths and heights are yours you know
living in brief mortal flow
there is no heaven nor a hell
except the ones in which we dwell
the ones constructed by our deeds
the animus
we surely feed

spin on Earth, and let us sing
perhaps this life means not one thing
and busy we with “making meaning” miss the
obvious theme

touch the lives
which near you move
know you’ve nothing sure to prove
you vibrate now such
energies
meant for others, not for thee

forever these shall call – combined
and ever varied n’er declined
that which You Give You Sure Receive
all swallowed by
eternity

less afraid

why struggle against the pull of gravity ?
the pulling of your elements toward Center
let go, let go
by ceasing to struggle, it is not
Losing, oh no
tis giving, to win. cease to pretend your body’s not aging
a gift to yourself, to quit fighting : float off
drift without uncertainty
you may find soul renewed
your Self within it
multifaceted and somehow
more sure
more wise : within your living days, less afraid

practicing for blindness. before edit

see, i love the dark because I can see
and this means in the dark I can see you
i am practicing for blindness
what I want wanted before. there are spaces of patience
you may never know
but i am watchful and self securing : see that
green lightning flash in your eyes
in your eyes

I confirm myself in your eyes
in your eyes. I will wait.so too economize :
i would take You by surprise
do not doubt my will to be . why resist when we can
be by sharing nod
a thing of gods
persistence you & me
I am yours in the roam of the Earthshine
On Waxing Near Perigee Moon
as a child is born, we are Sun
just a spark, all is One say the Moon

Tenebrae

i have begun a novel
‘retinal mirror’

https://rduffus.wordpress.com

I have intro to post
and I want everyone to be there. this is going to be
a joint venture